Well today is free day and I must listen to an hour of singing via the loud speaker. The chanting is beautiful but sometimes I wish I didn’t live next to the mosque because when they sing for an hour I just lose my mind. So today I’m watching Gia with Angelina Jolie. I love this movie because it exposed the fashion word and the amount of drugs that were present in the 80’s. I think they are still present in the fashion world today it’s just not talked about. I had a friend who use to be a Jefferson County Sheriff who moonlighted for celebrities when they came in for Derby. He provided security for them as they trotted around town. He told me that they all did drugs, they all had them and did them all the time. It’s ironic because now this onetime sheriff is a junkie. I really never thought that he would become a junkie but when he got mixed up with the wrong girl one thing led to another and there he is. I have never been into drugs per say. I mean I remember doing coke in the 90’s but it never was my thing. I think it was because the high wore off to quickly and you were constantly in the bathroom. My first run in with heroin was in the Denny’s bathroom on Eastern Parkway by UofL. I went to use the bathroom and there were two girls in the stall next to me. If you’ve been in that bathroom you know how SMALL it is. Anyway I was doing my business and trying to be quick about it when I saw a needle drop on the floor. It was full of some fluid and the girls said oops and picked it back up. Now I don’t know about you but I would not have put that thing into my arm after being on that bathroom floor. I think this was in 1994 or 1995. That was enough of an experience for me that I just wanted to get the hell outta there and not think about what was going on in that small bathroom stall. I thank God that I never got tangled up in heroin because even then it was everywhere. Here in Morocco if they catch you with something like that you will be locked up as if you had murdered someone. It’s actually nice to be on the streets and not have to deal with druggies begging for money. I don’t know that topic is a whole nother ball of wax.
Last night I cooked hummus beans and beef. Mbarek went wild over the meal. I thought now all we need is come cornbread and we’ll be set. I can’t wait until corn hits the souk I’m gonna be having corn every day all day and then canning it. I love all the freaking starchy veggies and always have. I should have been a potato or corn, maybe I was in my former life.
In efforts to come to terms with the end of my life in the US I have disconnected my FB, Twitter etc from all things Albuquerque. Not my friends of course but I have chosen not to see the news from there anymore. I figured that every time I read a news post from there I was just rubbing salt in the wound. The wound being I feel sort of like a failure there. Fact is I should have left many years ago. At one time I thought of moving to California. Soon after my visit in 2012 I began looking for jobs there and housing. The only thing that stood in my way was the love for my animals and of course money. Well needless to say that didn’t happen but I should have done something different then. Most of my life I feel I’ve wasted. I wasted many years in an unhappy go nowhere marriage and then I wasted a few years in New Mexico. Coming to terms with that has been hard. I really don’t want to say I feel like a failure there but I should have left when the world was giving me signs. After great thought I am moving on. It’s easy for a person to physically move on but when it comes to coming to terms with moving on it’s more difficult. The one thing I’m thankful for is that I don’t have any children. I would have never been able to move half way around the world if I did. Not having children for me is both happy and sad. My husband in my first marriage didn’t want children and then I spent a lot of years alone, no one to have children with lol. So now that I’m married and happy I want them. At 42 and being overweight is it possible still? I have been reading a lot about women who start a family after 40 and they run into many many problems. I think I’m ready for them now and of course my husband really wants at least one. The great thing about Mbarek is he knows that I may not be able to have them so he is not afraid to adopt.
A month ago we went to the farm and I got to see where I’m going to live in a year or so. Many of you on my FB got to see my photos of the farm because I posted video. It is a beautiful place with rolling hills that have olive trees and of course an amazing view of the mountains. It reminded me of being in Italy, well what you see of the French and Italian countryside on tv. It’s breathtakingly beautiful! What you didn’t see is along the way near the paved highway we turned onto a dirt road and went about a mile then came to this place that looked like a prison. It had the large concrete walls and there were children playing. I didn’t see any adults and I asked Mbarek what the place was. He said it was a housing area and he left it at that. The little ones were outside playing with sticks in the dirt and were throwing rocks. Not a lot was happening there and it was really out in the middle of nowhere. We stopped and the children came to look at Butch, who was in his basket on the bicycle, talked with them a bit then we went on down the lane. On our way back we didn’t see any children so I figured they went home. A couple of days ago I found out that this was an orphanage. An orphanage that is funded by the United States. I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe that children lived at this place and the funding to build and maintain it comes from the United States. At the same time, I found out about this orphanage the King of Morocco was visiting our town. I talked it over with Mbarek I decided to start a letter writing campaign to the King and I detailed my plan. I am asking him for citizenship and detailed my plan for my life here. Since we are going to live on the farm and grow vegetables, raise small livestock and chickens I want to help the orphanage. I want to donate half of what we grow and raise to the community. I had to sell him on the idea of helping me so the fact that I was into philanthropy in New Mexico helped me have content for my letter. I mean you can’t just write the King and say help me with citizenship… you need to let him know you would be an asset to the community. Let’s hope he receives my letter and considers my request. I’m praying hard on that. In the mean time I will send two letters a month, every month until someone responds. I mean someone will respond just to shut me up eventually.
I have found it’s relatively easy to adopt a child here so this is good news. If it was up to me I’d have a house full of children and animals. I keep praying that God will bless us with just one child but if he doesn’t I don’t have to bear a child to be a mother. I really think I would be a good mom and I know for a fact that Mbarek would be an excellent father. I joke with him that I’d like a boy and a girl, both would be tall and thin like him. I remember the first time I saw a photo of his father, all I can say is handsome handsome and from what I’ve been told very very smart. Now I know where Mbarek gets it from. I wouldn’t mind having a little Mbarek running around. Every day I pray for just that.
I can’t remember if I wrote about my mom or not. My mother took a fall a couple of weeks ago and I didn’t find out about it until a couple of days after. She was carrying in some groceries and lost her balance, fell and hit the sharp part on the door facing. She cut her head quite bad, from the eyebrow to the crown of her head. She had over 100 stitches and still has 9 staples in her head. I knew it was bad when she was telling me. That’s the one thing about my mom is she doesn’t blow things out of proportion when it comes to medical issues. If anything she is rather conservative in her descriptions. I’ve posted a photo below. I’m giving warning that it’s graphic so for the squeamish you might want to keep scrolling. She has her stitches removed now and is waiting on the staples to be taken out hopefully today. My mother handled the situation like a pro and with very little help. She took the fall on a Friday night and was back to work on Monday. She works from home so she was able to go on with life. She’s a trooper my mother I will say that. I’m glad that I have the perfect mix of my parents. I have my mother’s strong will and determination along with daddy’s patience and laid back ways. Boy I think back though growing up I was a little bitch most of the time. I really don’t see how my parents did it but let’s give credit where credit is due they spoiled me and made the little monster. I really did have the best childhood and hopefully one day I will be able to give a great childhood to one of my own. My parents were married for 43 years and I hope that I can have that with Mbarek. We miss daddy every day and some days are harder than others. Daddy was really amazing and I am so thankful to have had him as long as I did. I tell Mbarek that Allah and Daddy along with his dad Mohammed must have been up in heaven together conspiring for us to meet. I’d like to believe that they set it all up, Mbarek thinks I’m crazy but I somehow think they made it possible. So really that’s all that’s been going on.
Oh there is one other thing I got restless the other night and decided to cut my hair. I’m not sure how I really like it but I didn’t do a half bad job. I have to say it was fun and liberating to just chop chop chop it! Oh and another thing…. I didn’t tell anyone but I had a miscarriage a month ago. I was 6 weeks along and well it didn’t work out. I have a lot of hope though and God will know when the timing is right.
Ciao for now!