When someone tells you NO… Free Will Right????
I don’t know about the rest of you but when I’m not doing anything wrong and someone tells me no I can’t do it this bothers me. I find it hard to let go of the fact that someone scolded me for doing nothing wrong. Could it be that person is doing something wrong and doesn’t want to be be caught? So for instance today I was out in my neighborhood and was taking photos. My husband bought me a new camera and I have been out trying it out. For some reason it’s socially acceptable to have a cell phone and take photos of absolutely EVERYTHING and EVERYONE but when you have a real camera with a lens people get nervous. I am enjoying my new country and I love to share what I see with the world so when it comes to photos I personally cannot get enough. Keep in mind I mainly take photos of architecture, animals and detailed things, Not People. My main focus is not on people. So for those here in the neighborhood I will stop and share my photos with them as I take them. Most of the people just kind of laugh that I’ve taken photos of tile and doorways and buildings. However, it’s much more to me than just what you see every day. There is the appreciation in discovering the details that I find fascinating. So I’m walking along today snapping some photos of the neighborhood and I make my way to the main street where they sell vegetables. I snapped two photos of people selling vegetables, only two and then a young guy in his early 20’s walks up to me and says NO, and shakes his finger at me like I was doing something wrong. I looked at him and said What? He said no, no no…then he walks to the vegetable owner, who’s back was to me and told him I was taking photos. The vegetable seller looked back at me and then turned around like he didn’t care. I stood there for a few seconds longer and the young man walked back to his chair where he was hanging out and sat back down. Still he was watching me and when I walked away I pointed the camera at him and made a face then walked away. As I walked back down the street I have no idea if he was watching me, I stopped and showed the kids my photos because at least they were interested. A lady who was out cleaning wanted to see so I showed her. You know as a person I have respect for everyone, maybe a little too much respect for others. I tend to be very sweet and friendly but it pisses me off when I’m not doing anything and I get scolded by a thug on the street. I will use the word thug because as I could see it he was doing nothing, just hanging out. I never realized though that people get nervous when you do have a larger camera. See to me it’s interesting and I want to see what the camera person is taking photos of, which is why I share what I take with those on the street when they look interested. I think it goes a little more than that though for me.
Being told I’m doing something wrong when I’m not. I remember being at the police station and I went to take a photo of the stairs outside. The police man said no no you can’t do that so I put my phone away quickly ok oops, no problem. That didn’t bother me at all, probably because he was an authority figure and there were rules. I could sit here all day and bash how primitive it is here and how old fashioned the people are, but instead I see how beautiful it is and I want to share it with the world. Not all of the photos I take are good, as most photographers know, so there’s a great deal that I delete or just never post. I bet, though, if I had my cell phone out taking photos on the street no one would say a damn thing. In fact I have and no one said anything. So I have a hard time getting over things like that. Why I ask myself? Is there any reason an hour and a half later I should still be thinking about this stupid guy who said NO to me. What surprises me is that people just do and say whatever they want. I’m sure he saw a white woman and he said I’m gonna tell her no to see what she does. Anyway I just need to get over it huh? I’m sure that’s what most of you are saying. Fact is I’ve been like this somewhat all my life. I get my feelings hurt more often than not. When I’m out if someone looks at me wrong I’m constantly thinking about what he was thinking of me, what caused that person to give me that look, what did I do. This kind of thing gets tiring in my mind. Mbarek just realized last Saturday that when people look at me they also look at him. He didn’t realize this until we were out in a very open area of the city then he told me he noticed people looking at him after they look at me. I was reading an article today about anxiety and I really may be feeling anxious because this thought thing is one of the signs among others. I’ve been going through a waterfall of emotions recently which is why I’ve had no desire to write. After kind of doing some research on what I’m feeling I have discovered I’m experiencing anxiety and extreme culture shock. Some of the symptoms of culture shock are: 1. Comparing your surroundings to your home and thinking negative thoughts about your current place based on how different the two places are. 2. Depression and not wanting to leave the house. 3. Speaking negatively about the traditions in your current place. 4. Crying out of nowhere and feeling trapped. There are more but these are really the ones that I’m experiencing. I knew this would set in I just didn’t know it would be so extreme. Sometimes the thought of leaving the house to deal with this different world is just too much so I stay in. Some days I just get my make up on, fix my hair, put on a pretty dress, walk the dog, then stay in the rest of the time. So in efforts to break up this culture shock thing I have decided to get out and meet the neighbors and take photos. Hell who knows maybe I’ll land a gig as a photographer shooting travel photos if the right person sees my picutes. My neighbors are very interested in me and when I told them of the scolding I got on the main street they were talking about it. I have no idea what they were saying but they were talking about it. I know they told me to tell Mbarek about it, which I did. Mbarek said that people here are afraid of cameras because they think if you take photos of them you are making fun of them. Well that’s not what I’m doing at all! This is why I show people what I’m taking so they know that I’m not zooming in on them so to say. I am just feeling out my new location and trying to bring some beauty into my life at the same time. I’m trying to find something to do mostly since I don’t have a job.
I think people for the most part are not as adventurous as I am. I don’t care about having my photo taken. I’ll smile for anything pretty much. Sometimes I don’t like my photo taken but it’s rare. I suppose I am a free spirit and I just don’t see harm in these things. See here I go… why am I even giving this anymore thought than I should. Maybe it’s just the way I’m built. I don’t know that I could ever be a member of the media, my skin isn’t thick enough, but maybe I could because I’m not afraid of doing it again. In today’s society there are so many people running from the law, doing illegal activities, and other shit that they aren’t suppose to be doing that the rest of us have to alter when we are around them. And how do you know who you are really around? For instance we’d all like to think that when we go the shopping mall or park that we are around good, well I’ll say decent people. When in fact we are not around good people at all. I tend to think that there are more bad people in this world than there are good. What is funny about where I live is I can hear everything that the neighbors do. I can hear their tv’s playing, the conversations they have, the arguments, the scoldings they give their children, even … you know.. So really when it comes to taking photos of them, if I wanted to, I don’t see the big deal, I’m just sayin. Ha Ha I already know all about you anyway skippy.
So as I stood outside with my mother in law telling her and the other ladies about my scolding they were all too happy to take photos with me. Their children were too happy to pose with me for photos. I think they know my intentions are good and harmless but above all I think they know I like to have fun and I’m appreciating their world. I’m seeing the beauty in the very place they have lived all their life. I’m showing them the beauty of it through a camera lens. I know I’ve seen them remark how pretty the tile looks on the screen and they can’t believe that it’s the tile right in front of their door. The very tile they walk on every day looks different when you see it through my eyes. I think the most important lesson I’ve learned today is that if you are an asshole you are an asshole and no one will change you. People only broaden their minds to see what they want to see and don’t care that what they say to others. They want to exude their presence over everything. This is why this little creature who told me NO is just that to me… an ignorant little creature.
Ciao… I have many photos but uploading is slow. Check back a bit later when my signal gets better.