So tonight I made hot tea for my husband so when he comes home he has a nice warm libation. Last night, well, I didn’t and believe you me I got a lashing. I say a lashing but he teased me all night about not making him hot tea after I was home all day. Some days everything is a struggle and yesterday was one of them. I have had a nasty respiratory infection that lasted about a month then little did I know it caused an ear infection that sneaked up on me over night. So for the last few days I’ve been on antibiotics to try and rid the infection along with the water that has accumulated in my ear and oh the smell, yuck! It’s funny I can always smell and ear infection when my animals have one but I couldn’t smell mine, however my husband did. 12 years ago I had two operations, one on each ear, that restored my hearing because I was legally deaf. The surgeries I had replaced the tiny bones in my ears which had calcified together causing no vibration and hearing loss. Now I have nice prosthetic pieces in my ears and my hearing is perfect. I remember the first time I could hear again, I had water on the stove and I could hear this rumbling from my bedroom so I went in search of the noise and it was the water boiling. Hearing the birds for the first time again was magnificent. So when I get something like an ear infection it could be detrimental to me because of the scar tissue it leaves behind. That’s what caused my hearing loss to begin with all the scar tissue from child hood ear infections. Anyway I’m pretty much over that and I can wash my hair again, thank God.
We finally got a washing machine! I have been washing a load of clothes every night in effort to get all of my summer clothes clean so I can pack them away for the winter. I swear I have taken for granted all of the things that I had when I lived in the US. I remember the night that Mbarek brought it in the house, his mom and sister were in the salon and they looked at it as if it were an alien that had just landed in their house. They have never ever had a washing machine so I’m not sure how they will come around to the idea of a machine washing their clothes. When we finally got it hooked up his sister congratulated me on my new appliance. She knows I struggle to wash clothes by hand.
Finally today I finished all of our laundry and am on to bigger and better things after I clean the floor. I’ve had to succumb to the Moroccan way of cleaning the floor and for me it can be back breaking because I am fat so all of the bending over gets to the back. However the results of cleaning the floor with a rag and squeegee are a spotless floor and mine is way over due for a cleaning. Finally I have gotten the furniture in our room perfectly arranged where I am very happy. It’s hard when you have a small room with alot of furniture but the idea of downsizing is not something I will consider at this point.
I believe there is another box that should be here and this time it’s a 26lb box from mom. I can’t wait to see what she’s squirreled away over the past few months. She always amazes me because she is able to fit so much in one box. I think she’s becoming a packing pro these days. Actually she has packing parties with her friends, they come over, have dinner and drink wine while they pack the boxes. I love that she has her own circle of friends now that daddy is gone. There are some days when it’s very hard for her still but she is doing well. This Halloween she went to a nice field/barn party and took many pictures for me. It’s nice to see her having fun and not sitting around doing nothing. Since my dad passed two and a half years ago it’s been very hard for the both of us. Our relationship has really changed but that was something that I didn’t expect to happen. I am just lucky to still have her and wish I was closer to her in her older years.
Sewing is going very well, I am making fabric drawstring bags with square bottoms. I will sell them very cheap and hopefully people will like them. I know it’s rare to find decent gift bags here so if I sell them for $1.00 they should be a hit. I am decorating them with some embroidery that is simple and I think pretty designs. Right now I’m working on a circular Allah symbol that I’ve made into a rose. That one should be complete tonight along with several others that I’ve made up. Several people have come by the store with input all of which were religious in nature so I’m gonna see if I can’t capitalize on their suggestions and ideas.
A friend of ours recently got married, his name is Yasine, he’s 26 and lives in Spain. He is the nephew of our good friend Sadilla and now he’s been hanging out with Mbarek at the store. He is here from Spain for a couple of weeks on his honeymoon and is setting up his new apartment here which we have helped with. We didn’t know he was getting married until the last minute and since the invite came late we already had plans so we didn’t get to go. He will be taking me to Spain in 12 or so days to get the renewal of my visa. This should be fun because we get to take the bus back. I’ve only been on a coach once and that was back in college and it was a private bus so I’m kind of looking forward to my first public transportation ground ride. With all of the, helping our friend get his new apartment together, it’s made me think about things. Here they are starting their life and when I congratulated them on getting married they also congratulated Mbarek and I on our marriage. It was interesting when that happened because it feels as if I’ve been with Mbarek for years. From the minute I met him in person it felt like I’d known him for years and years but we actually are newlyweds. I have to remind myself that we haven’t even been married for a year yet. Actually I wish I’d met Mbarek 20 years ago then I might not have all of the trouble with adapting. What I struggle with is the financial responsibility I feel I need to fulfill. I feel that I need to be contributing and I feel guilty that he works and I really don’t. I mean this is coming from someone who has always had a job of some kind since I was 14. I tend to stress and become anxious when bills come due and we don’t have the money because we’ve invested in inventory for the store. I stress bad too. It comes from all of the many years I didn’t have a partner and had to shoulder all of the financial burden of life. See these things are what make it difficult to adjust and ultimately what causes stresses in our relationship. During the month I just stopped stressing about this because it was doing no good for myself or Mbarek. I’m just not use to someone shouldering this burden for me and believe me the idea that someone is taking care of your every need is something that makes me feel extremely guilty. The long and short of it, I have had major difficulty becoming dependent on someone else. I’m not sure that this feeling of guilt will ever go away. It’s not a loss of independence that I feel it’s more guilt. Yes we’ve had this conversation many time and he assures me that he was ready to shoulder all of the responsibility because that’s what marriage is. I’m just working on the guilt part and trying to do as much as I possibly can to grow my little business so I can contribute will ease the guilty feelings. What I realize is I can do my part to make his home life less stressful. I have been cleaning more and keeping things tidier so that when he comes home he can enjoy my company, eat the good things I cook, play bite bite with Butchie and just kick back and relax.
The way Mbarek has taken up with Butch is amazing. They truly love each other! Mbarek never ever thought that he would love Butch like he does but each day their love grows deeper. If I ever had to leave Morocco I could never take his dog away from him because that bond is deep already. I remember the first night we spent together, we were so exhausted after my hours of travel and his hours spent preparing for my arrival. We walked in our room and both of us just plopped on the couch exhausted and exhilarated that all our preparations and planning were over, we were finally home, together. For the first time we could really just relax and talk face to face without skype or any electronic devices. Believe me it was such a strange feeling because I had never met him in person. We knew immediately we were soul mates and sitting on the couch together in our room just made it real. We just chilled for a couple of hours and got the animals settled then got ready for bed. Keep in mind he had never slept in the same bed with a woman before so the mere idea of sleeping with someone was an exciting but foreign concept to him. We look over at our bed and low and behold Butchie had taken a shit on our white comforter, ON THE FIRST NIGHT BUTCH TAKES A SHIT ON OUR BED! I was so upset, I can’t even express it even almost a year later. Mbarek cleaned it up without much adieu but I was upset. Now to look back and see how daddy/dog relationship has bloomed it’s very sweet. We often joke about that night when we are reminiscing and now we laugh, sometimes laugh really hard about it. All I could remember thinking is that he would send me back home. I mean what a first night huh? After a while Butchie settled in and now we haven’t had even the slightest accident in over 6 months, thank God. I know now though that Mbarek is attached to this little guy and even he can’t believe how they are best buds. It’s funny to see this big tall man, 6ft 4″, with this little bitty 11 lb chi weenie walking down the street. They really have developed a special bond those two and since we have no children it’s perfect.
Soon my one year anniversary will be here and I kinda feel like comparing it to a pot of tea where the longer it steeps the better it gets.
Well I’ve got to get some sewing done and I can’t do that if I’m typing. I hope everyone who’s reading is doing well. Peace and best wishes to all until next time.